Q : What's got 2 legs and bleeds?
A : Half a dog.

Q: Why do women have periods?
A: Because they deserve them

Q: What did the Jewish pedophile say to the little boy once he was in the car?
A: "Hey, go easy on the candy!"

Q. Why do women have legs?
A. So they don't leave snail trails.

Q. What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?
A. Both of their last hits were The Wall.

Q: Why does a necrophiliac wait six weeks before he fucks a stiff ?
A: Because then he can stick in it anywhere he likes.

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Q: How many women does it take to paint a wall?
A: It depends on how hard you throw them.

Q: What's blue and fucks old people?
A: Hypothermia.

Q: What did the maxi pad say to the fart?
A: You are the wind beneath my wings.

Q. Why is a necrophiliac like a fur trapper?
A. They're both looking for dead beaver.

Q. How does a gay guy fake an orgasm?
A. Stands behind his partner and throws warm yogurt on his back.

Q. How many "Sickest Sites" fans does it take to put in a light bulb?
A. One, but it takes an entire emergency room to get it out.

Q. What's the difference between snot and broccoli?
A. Kids won't eat broccoli.

Q: What's soft and warm when you go to bed, but hard and stiff when you wake up?
A: Vomit.

Q. What goes: "CLICK - is that it? CLICK - is that it? CLICK - is that it?"
A. A blind person with a Rubik's cube.

Q: What do you call a fat chick with a yeast infection?
A: A Whopper with cheese

Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection ?
A: A quarter-pounder with cheese.

Q. What do a near-sighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
A. They both have wet noses.

Q: Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A: Becase women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

Q: What does a girl with bulimia call two fingers?
A: Dessert.

Q. What's the best thing about eating cherry pie, but the worst thing about eating hair pie?
A. The crust.

Q. Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
A. He did okay until his business fell off.

Q. What's green, covered in crumbs, and lies on the side of the road?
A. A dead Girl Scout .

Q: What's green, smells bad and has 12 tits?
A: A garbage bag at a breast cancer clinic.

Q. What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
A. The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm.

Q. How to you make a cat go "woof?"
A. Douse it in gasoline, light a match, and "woooof!"

Q. How do you make a dog go "meow?"
A. Put it in a deep freeze for 5 days, take it out, put a circular saw to it: "meeeeeeoooowwwww."

Q. What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A pit bull on a playground.

Q. Why does a rancher fuck a goat at the end of a cliff?
A. So the goat will push back.

Q. Whats the definition of disgusting?
A. Stuffing a dozen oysters into your granny's cunt and sucking out thirteen.

Q. What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
A. Getting her out of the wheelchair!

Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

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Q. Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
A. Because women don`t get blow jobs while they`re driving.

Q. What`s the difference between mayonnaise and semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn`t hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.

Q. How can you tell if you have a bad overbite?
A. You eat pussy and it tastes like shit.

Q. What do you call six lepers in a hot tub?
A. Porridge.

Q. Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you.

Q. What's grosser than eating your grandmother's pussy?
A. Banging your head on the coffin lid after you're done.

Q. Hear about Kentucky-Freud Chicken?
A. It's mother-fucking good!

Q. How many sorority girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Silly, sorority girls don't screw in lightbulbs -- they screw in pools of vomit!

Q. What's the difference between anal sex and a microwave oven?
A. A microwave oven won't brown your meat.

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Q. Why should you wear ribbed condoms for anal sex?
A. Better traction in the mud.

Q. If a stork brings white babies, and a crow brings black babies, what brings no babies at all?
A. A swallow.

Q. What's white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?
A. George Michael's latest release.

Q. "Johnny, can you use "indefinitely" in a sentence?"
A. "Sure! When my balls are slapping up against her ass, I'm in . . . definitely!"

Q. What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common?
A. They can smell it, but they can't eat it!

Q. How old is "old enough?"
A. Hey, if they're crawling, they're already in the right position!

Q: What's eighteen inches long, has a purple head, and makes a woman scream all night long?
A: Crib death!

Q: What's the dirtiest line ever said on television?
A: "Ward, don't you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night?"

Q. What's the second dirtiest line ever said on television?
A. "June, I'm going upstairs to help the boys pack some fudge."

Q: What do you do after eating a bald pussy?
A: Put the diaper back on.

Q. What's the great thing about an Ethiopian blow job?
A. You know she'll swallow.

Q. Why does a bride smile as she walks up the aisle?
A. She knows she's given her last blow job.

Q. What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A. Cough, gag, choke . . .

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Q. What do you call an Ethiopian taking a shit?
A. A fucking show-off!

Q. What does 78-year-old snatch smell like?
A. Depends!

Q. How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
A. Pick him up and suck his dick 

Q. Why did Jeffrey Dahmer keep a blender on his porch?
A. So he could greet visitors with a handshake.

Q. How do you get a really old, skanky whore lubricated?
A. Stick in a couple of fingers, scratch off some scabs, and let the pus run.

Q. How can you tell when your husband has an abnormally high sperm count?
A. You have to chew before you swallow.

Q. What do you get when you stab a baby fifteen times with a butcher knife?
A. A hard-on.

Q. Have you heard about the new feminine hygiene spray created by SSY?
A. You know, they're the company that took the PU out of pussy.

Q. What's the difference between a child molester and a pimple?
A. A pimple doesn't come on your face until you're at least fifteen.

Q. What's the difference between your grandmother's pussy and a bowling ball?
A. If you really HAD to, you could eat a bowling ball.

Q. Why do women have such a hard time peeing in the morning?
A. Ever try to pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Q. How do you get 12 Ethiopians into a Volkswagen?
A. Flick a booger onto the dashboard.

Q. What's the difference between "like" and "love"?
A. It's the difference between "spit" and "swallow."
Q. Then what's the difference between "love" and "showing off"?
A. It's the difference between "swallow" and "gargle."

Q. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs?
A. Matt.
Q. What do you call the same guy in the ocean?
A. Bob.
Q. What do you call the same guy pinned to the wall?
A. Art.
Q. What do you call the same guy on a grill?
A. Chuck.

Q. What's the main difference between fucking a regular woman and fucking a woman with no arms?
A. When you fuck a woman with no arms and it pops out, you're the one who has to put it back in.

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