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Try telling
this joke to a guy you know:
"A little boy is masturbating in the bathtub, when all of the
sudden he cums. And you know how sperm floats?"
When your victim says "yeah," ask: "How do YOU know?"
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MAX HARDCORE Max takes a young girl in baby-doll clothes and totally violates her humanity. He makes her speak baby-talk, chokes her with his dick until she pukes, makes her drink his slimy man-juice through a tube out of her own ass, fully fists her and more. |
A new mother
is waiting in her hospital bed to see her baby for the first
time when the doctor comes into the room holding it. Suddenly,
the doctor dashes the baby to the floor and begins jumping up
and down on it.
"Stop, stop!" sceams the mother, "what in God's name are you
doing?!"
"April fool," laughs the Doctor, "he was already dead!"
A girl goes
to the gynecologist for the first time. She's up in the stirrups,
and the doctor notices she's trembling. He says: "You're nervous,
aren't you?"
"Yes, it's my first visit to a gynechologist."
"Would you like me to numb you down there?"
"Oh, yes please."
He sticks his face between her legs and goes: "Num, num, num
. . ."
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A teacher
asks the children to discuss what their fathers do for a living.
Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys
in jail."
Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick
people better."
All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny.
Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do ?"
Johnny says: "My Dad is dead."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died ?"
"He turned blue and shit on the carpet."
There are
two brothers, eight and nine. On Christmas morning, they run
downstairs to see their presents. The oldest one discovers to
his delight that he got a bicycle, a Playstation, a whole bunch
of new video games, a complete set of "Star Wars" action figures,
and everything else on his Christmas list. Meanwhile, the eight-year-old
just got some new underwear and sweaters and a Tonka truck.
"Ha ha," says the older one, I totally cleaned up this year,
and all you got was some clothes and a Tonka truck."
The younger one just smiles, pushes his truck along the floor,
and hums under his breath:
"At least I don't have cancer . . . ."
Remember
how you used to blow Bubbles when you were little? Well, he's
back in town!
Two guys
are talking in a bar:
"I came home early last night and caught my wife having sex
with my best friend in our bed!"
"What did you do?"
"I grabbed my wife by the hair and said 'that's it, you're outta
here' and threw her out of the house."
"What did you do to your best friend?"
"I shook my finger at him and yelled 'bad dog! bad dog!'"
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Latina Abuse
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After a
night of work, a hooker comes home to where she lives with her
mother and her grandmother, both of whom are retired hookers.
"How was your night, dear?" says the mother.
"Not too good," says the hooker. "All I got was $20.00 for a
blow job."
"Twenty dollars?" says the mother, "why in my day we only charged
two dollars!"
"And in my day," says the grandmother, "we were grateful just
to get something warm in our stomachs!"
A leper
goes into a Mexican restaurant and says: "I'll have a taco combination
plate -- and you'd better make it to go."
The waitress, realizing that the leper is embarrassed by his
appearance, says compassionately: "Sir, you're very welcome
here. Why don't you sit down and eat here?"
So the leper sits down and when his food comes and he begins
to eat, a piece of his earlobe falls into his plate. He hears
guests gagging and says to the waitress: "look, I think you'd
better just box this food up so I can eat it at home."
"Nonsense," says the waitress. "I won't hear of it."
So he takes a few more bites, and a piece of his nose falls
off. More gagging from the patrons. "Look," he says, "I'm making
people gag. Please, just box this up for me."
"Sir," says the waitress, "it's not you who's making these people
gag. The lady behind you has been dipping tortilla chips in
the back of your neck!"
Three guys
are at a bar, when another man comes in and starts drinking.
Pretty soon he's very drunk and out of control. He confronts
the three men, puts his hands on his hips and says to the one
on the left:
"I've fucked your mom!"
Then he says to the one in the middle: "Your mom's sucked my
cock."
While the first two are still getting over their shock, he says
to the one on the right: "I've had your mom up the ass, what
do you think of that?"
"We all think you're drunk, Dad -- go home!"
John receives
a phone call.
"Hello," he answers.
The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a
party about 3 months ago."
"Oh?"
"Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home.
On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me
I was a good sport."
"Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"
"I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."
"Say, you ARE a good sport."
A little
girl is taking a shower with her grandmother. She looks down
between her grandmother's legs and says, "Grandma, what's that?"
"That's my beaver."
A few days later the little girl is showering with her mother.
She points between her mother's legs and says, "Mommy, I know
what that is. That's your beaver!"
"That's right," says the mother. "How did you know?"
"Grandma told me," says the girl, "but I think her beaver's
dead -- its tongue was hanging out."
There once
was a girl from the Azures
Whose cunt was all covered in sores
The dogs in the street
Used to eat the green meat
Which hung in festoons from her drawers
Farmer Joe
was having trouble getting his bull to breed so he calls the
vet. The vet shows up, examines the bull and says to farmer
joe "your bull is in fine health, but he's old and doesn't have
the urge to breed like he used to, but I have a trick that works
every time".
The old
farmer watched as the vet walked over to a cow, picked the cow's
tail up, and rubbed his hand on this cow's pussy. He then went
to the old bull and rubbed his hand on the bull's nose, which
caused the bull to start snorting. The vet. then returned to
the cow again, rubbed its pussy, then back to the bull. This
time the bull began stomping and hoofing the ground. The vet
repeated the procedure a third time and the bull suddenly charged
over to the cow, mounted it and proceeded to fuck the hell out
of it.
Later that
night, when the old farmer and his wife were in bed he couldn't
sleep. He thought about how long it had been since he and his
wife had been romantic, and he wondered if the vet's trick might
work for him.
So he reached
over to his sleeping wife, and rubbed her pussy, and took a
big whiff, and to his amazement he felt a stirring in his loin.
Another rub, another sniff and low and behold, he was firming
up. Another rub, another sniff and his dick was so hard he thought
it might burst!
"Hey honey!"
he cried, "Wake up and take a look at this!"
Crankily,
she looked over at him and said: "What?! You woke me up just
to tell me you had a bloody nose?!"
Water Bondage -- Creative and Sadistic Water Play
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